The Daily Adventures and Secret Yearnings of a Housecat
A stranger?
A stranger with a box?
(Cat flees to the top of the cat tree)
What's going on out there? I can hear you all talking.
Girl, what are you doing?
"Come here and see, Cat."
(Girl extracts Cat from tree)
Oh. My. God.
Guy! WHAT is THAT?!?
"We got you a friend, Cat."
WHAT?!?
This is not a FRIEND!
This is an INTRUDER!
(fluffy gray kitten peeks hopefully at Cat)
Intruder: Friend?
Aiyee! Back! Hiss! Spit!
(Cat flees to the top of the cat tree)
I will come down when it's gone.
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The Jaguar is concealed in the leafy cover, surveying her domain. Below, two monkeys go about their business on the jungle floor, oblivious to the danger above. One of the monkeys senses something. It looks upward, inquisitively scanning the canopy. The Jaguar remains motionless. She will choose her moment wisely. The monkey's eyes meet the golden eyes of the great cat. The Jaguar readies herself...
''Cat, what on earth are you doing up there?''
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Guy, oh Guy, there is something out there!
I hear it, growling. It's coming closer.
"Cat, it's a bus."
Don't worry Guy, I'll defend you.
I'll keep you safe from the bus.
(brakes squeal and hiss)
It's out there Guy! It's right outside!
"That's because there's a bus stop, Cat."
It's moving again Guy! It's coming right for us!
"We're on the fourth floor, Cat."
(breeze moves the curtain)
OH MY GOD BUS RUN RUN WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!!!
(Cat vanishes)
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Girl! Girl! I am so hungry!
Oh Girl, I shall surely perish without my tuna!
"You have a bowl full of food."
Lies! Lies! I am starving.
I NEED my tuna.
"Okay, but it's salmon because you need omega-3."
Yes! Yes! My tuna!
Girl! Girl! This is not tuna!
"I told you that."
I cannot eat this! It is inedible.
I am STARVING!
"Fine, I'll put some tuna on top."
At last, tuna! I will not starve after all.
..........
What is this? Hidden!
NOT tuna!
Why do you try to poison me?
I am STARVING.
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Girl.
"Mrrrhp"
Girl. I bring you a treasure.
"Mrrrgh"
It is a shiny treasure, girl. See?
"Mrrrph"
And it makes a sound. Hear? And look! It will spring this way and that as I swat it!
"Urrrgh"
Oh no! I have lost the treasure in the valleys and crevices of the blanket!
Don't worry!
I'll find it.
"What are you doing?"
I bring treasure!
"Is that a Toblerone wrapper?"
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Guys.
Guys wake up.
It's after five and I'm starving.
Girl. Girl! GIRL!!!
I'm STARVING.
..........
Yes, carry me to the kitchen. The floor is cold on my feet.
Wait.
You turned the wrong way. This is not the kitchen.
This is the BATHROOM!
..........
Wait Girl! I'm still in here!
Don't close the door!
Too late.
Am trapped. No food. Shall surely starve.
Have considered eating soap.
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