Eglish B -
Tittel: Prozac Nation "Young & Depressed in America"
Writer: Elisabeth Wurtzel
This book is about a young gir, she have brown eays and long brown hair.
She have been depressed all her live. She is about 20 years old and her name is Elisabeth.
Eisabeth is telling how she had it under her depressed period. The book is like diary of her depressed years.
Elisabeths Mother is from israel and her father is from New York.
Side 1 - 18
When she was a little and was living together whit her parents, she used to dream that she couldn't move her arms and leegs and when she woked up inte moring she feelt like her dream hade came true. She couldn't move her arms and leegs. but her mother that was standing infront her bed told Elisabeth that she have been createt this thing her minde and if she really wants to move her legs and arms, she would make it.
Elisabeth was very afraid of her dreams becouse they seems to be real. She sometimes believe that her dreams was reallity.
when she was 19 years old she made a party whit her housmate Jason.
Before the party was starting her cat runs out and she runed after her. When she came back all the hous was full of people, she didn't exspect sö many people to come. Elisabeth became very choked and she runed in to the toilet and hide her self, and started to cry.
her friend Jetroh saw her when she went in to the tolet and he went after her.
He told her that he could fix some cokain, that would make her on better mood, he told her.
So thought for her self why not, if the shit vill make her on better mood, so why not?
He broght her some cokain and she took it.
After she took it she feelt very good. She was all out from her depression, she whent out the party and started to talk whit every singel person at the party, she feelt so good.
But then when the cokain have done the "work" after som hours she feelt like shit agian.
She was falling in her depression again and she didn't want to. She wanted more cokain!
In these pages Elisabeth is telling us about her depression and how it started and how it feels.
Her depression started when she was about ten, eleven or twelf yeras old, she don't really remeber.
Depression is like cancer. First you don't know about it everything is going just fine, but the next day when you wake up you feel like you don't want to go up from beed. And that day there is like seven-pound lump lodged in yoy brain.
And slowly over the years the depression will take over your heart and your brain will be replacet whit a computer that is programed for totaly negativity.
In Elisabeths mothers family everyone was getting maried and the only way to get out fron her parents hous was to get maried and go to her housbends house.
one day when Elisabeths mother as riding she meet Elisabeths father who also was riding and they was young and the tought they loved echother.
Anyway thet got mariedand things did not gå så well between them.
Her afther got job on IBM and they moved to poghkeepsie. And there her mother got nuts whit boreddom and bought her self a monkey and she evetually got pragnet.
When she became pregnet she moved back to New York becouse she couldn't stand out whit another day there.
When her mother got pregnat her father didn't want a baby, but her mother did.
But one day father told her that it was her mother who didn't want a baby.
(but that was a lie)
One day when Elisabeth was crying so much that she wouldin't calm down her mother called her father and told him that if he wouldin't come home and make her calm down she would defenestrate her.
Elisabeths mother and father was always quarrel . Thats why the got devorced.
Her father used to visit her, but everytime he was whit Elisabeth he he falls asleep after dinner.
Elisabeth hade always hope about that her father and motherwould be together again.
But that didn't happen becouse he got maried.
When Elisabeth went to shool she always used to sitt in the girllocker under the break becouse she didn't want to be whit the other. She was afraid...
sometimed when she was sitting in the girllocker she started to cut her self on her legs and she was enjoying it, but she did not wanted to kill her self.
And one day a teacher found her there so he took her up to the school psychologist and said "this girl needs prefesionall help." And seens then she started to go to teraphy to D. Isaac.
Elisabreth used to hold her grades up but now everything was falling down, she told her mother that she is going to school, she went out but when her mother whent to work, Elishabeth whent home again.
When her mother got the reports she started to cry and called dr Isaac and toold him why can't you make my doughter better!?
It was year 1980 and she was 15 years old.
Many things happend under this year, Jhon Lenon got shot to dead and she said that this was a year of broken glass and broken girls and a broken Elisabeth.
It was this year her father Walked out from her live for good.
When Elisabeth graduation from junior high school her mother made a big party for her.
Buth Elisabeth's father was not aloudet to come to her party becaouse her mother said that he didn't pay for the edication.
In that year all girls was wearing yellow and hotpink accesories. But she was wearing dark clothes and silver-metal accesories, but sometimes Elisabeth achully
tried to fitt in by wearing hotpink thing.
Elisabeth even tried to make her homework.
Elisabeth meet a booy in her school his name was Zachary. She falled in love immedetly.
I think becouse she needed love and when she found love she took it immedetly.
They became a couple but not for a loong time. He left her exactly like her father did.
When her boyfriend had left her everything whent down again. She was crying all the time and she feelt like hell. She was thing of him everywher and all the time.
her mother used to tell her thath he only was her boy friend, not her husbend or something and theth she would found some ealse. But this was not easy for Elisabeth.
Elisabeth has been groving up she is now going to study at Haward. And she is trying to show everybody that she is a good and cleaver girl. From the begining everything is going well but then when her mother had went home and left her in room at Haward she begaan to feel like a black Wave are comming all over her. When she feelt like that she went too the school psychologist
Elisabeth got a bestfriend there but their reletionsheep went wrong.
Ruby had a boyfriend, his name was Sam. And Elisabeth kinf of stole her boy friend but is was Sam that started to try to get Elisabeth.
When Ruby found out that Elisabeth had stole her boyfriend she run after Elisabeth all over the Hawars yard just to kick her ass.
Before all this hapend between Ruby and Elisabeth the used to part together and the bad thing was that thet was taking extacy. When they took it they feelt så happy and the could feel the music and they was talking whit everybode. Sometimes they used to go under the tabel and tie uo everybodys shoelace. Elisabeth and Ruby found it so funny.
One day Elisabeth was on a party on her Friend Noha's place, Noha achullay loved Elisabeth.
And over there thet took drogs and the next day she woked up on the flor half naked behind Noha. She started to scream and Noha tried to calm her down so that people not would think that he had rapte her or somthing. But she was still screaming so he took her to the emergency room at the university helth service and there he left her.
The nurse at the university helth service refused to let her go even Elisabeth told her that she was OKEY. She even told her that her grandparent had come to visit her today, but still she wont let her go, Elisabeth was stuck whit the nurse.
When Elisabeth came to her room she had egiht messages from her grandparents, and in the final massage they where saying that they would turn home.
When it was winterbreak she went home to her mother and all she did under the winterbreak hiding her self in her room.
One day her mother came in to her room and was yelling at her becouse her she are paying her doughters bills so that she can go in Haward and the only thing Elisabeth is doing are throing all to hell, she only goes to party and take drugs and her mother had found out everything she was doing.
But Elisabeth told her that she don't understand how depressed she are, she can't do anything, she wants to die.
Her mother huged her and they said sorry to echother.
Elisabeth is back to school from the winterbreak and she is shaking for all the study she must do. She was really trying to concentret on her study, she was noe reading The Odysseys and she was trying hard to get her self through the book but it seems to be imbossible. But she was trying and also try to not think on something eals.
One day her father called her he came up to NewYork for some reson and in New York he run into Elisabeths mother so he phoned Elisabeth and he wanted to meet her. Elisabeth was very happy. She went to his appartment in florida over the wekeend and the had so much fun she talked with him and with her stepmother very much and when she came back he came with her to Haward and he was taking photgraphs on her and her friends, she was so happy that she could feel that she have a father like all the others.
But there was one thing she couldin't stopp thinking on and it was "who the hell does this man think he is? he just dissapears from my live for four years and now when I am a big girl he came back. and she feelt like she could never forgive him.
One day when she was in her room she picked upp the phone and called her father, and she was after somthing thath she could start to quarrel of with him.
When they started to talk to echother it was calm from the begining but then when she asked him if he is steal going to pay her billd for the therapy that she is going too he said now I said i would only pay the first one. And there she got as she wanted a big qurrel with her father.
And the last thing she told her before she hangd up was
"try,have a good live cuz this is it for me"
The next day she took a ecstasy whit her firend and they went on a party and the next day she feelt so bad that she went to the UHS, they are meant to help students.
Elisabeth told the Dockter hole live storie and the Dockter told her there is no pills that can make you better, you have to go in a loong therapy.
And she took one year of from school.
Under the summar of 1987 she went to Dallas,Texas there she got a summar job as a jounalism and she got her own appartment. Elisabeth LOVED her new apartment there.
She enjoyed to have her own appartment. Everything was going so well.
She liked her job she woked up early and praper her self to go the work every day and on work she was talking with everyone all the time. sometimes she worked over time.
But under the weekend when there was job to go too she didn't know what to do, she feelt all alone. And then she feel like the blac wave are coming over her again.
Thats why she went from a party to a another so that she wouldin't think about the black wave and she started to drink as hell.
And there she meet a guy she started to make out with him and that was it.
When it was her birthday her mother came to visit her. And they had decide that her mother would make party to her in her cousin hous who lived in Dalas.
Her mother had done everything to her that day but Elisabeth was ona party and was drinking.
she came 3 hours late to her own birthdayparty that her mother hade made for her.
Her mother became very sad and she cryied, Elisabeth said sorry and she tryed to hug her mother but her mother pushed her away.
After her one yeras of she went to school after the summar semester.
But now she had a new roommate, her name was Samantha and she was also depressed like Elisabeth but it was for a loong time ago, her ex-booyfriend in london helped her to get throu her depression.
Elisabeth had now decided that she would not have any boyfriend and she would not go to any party any more this time she really wanted to take care of her study.
But as usualy it went wrong. Elisabeth fixed a new job as a gurad for a polisstation and she worked two days a week from 24.00 a clock to 07.00 i think it was.
There was not so much to to so she was redaing her homework when she was working.
But she worked to much that she forgatt to eat and to the end she didn't have the energy to go too school. She missed very many lession and got very thin and she became sick and started to spew.
Elisabeth did not get her menstruation for a loong time and one day when she woked up there was blood every where she got very scard and called her friend and she said that she are going to die and he told her baby you have your period now and thats also what she tought.
But next day when she woked up there was much more blood she was bleding so much and she called her friend again and told him this time she will die.
he came to her and took her to the hostpital and it showed out that she had get a miscarriage.
She was pregnat but she didn't remeber with who? and when?
The apartment that she was living in whit her two roommates, Samantha and Aldena.
was feeling sickly. all three girls did not have any time to clean up and everyone had something to think of.
The also got a new roommate, her name was Sindi, from pakistan. And Alden left them becaouse she was just a visiting student at Haward and she would return too her school in Barnard. Elisabeths friend moved in to Aldena's room. There was so many people that had been lived in this four bedroom apartment over the year.
Elisabeth was going to shcool but when she didn't he blame at her miscarriage.
And sometimes she could feel like she was alone and the black wave was coming to get her.
One day when she feelt like that she called her mother and her mother was so upset becouse she had been called Elisabeth but Elisabeth had not return the call so she was yelling at her.
After she had hangt upp, she called Rafe a boy she ones had meet in Dallas.
She asked him if he was remebering her and yes he did.
And they started to talk and he asked for her number.
The next weekend she was over in his appartmen in Dalas. They went to many partys and at night he kissed her and that was what she wanted. Afterward they became a couple.
She was obsessed of him when he wasin't with her she begann to bry and when she was with him she still was crying sometimes and when they had sex she was crying becous she was so afraid that he would leav her even though he told her that he LOVED HER!!
When she told her docktor how she feelt in her relationsheep. Her dockter told her that it would be best if she talked whit Rafe. Cuz Elisabeth thought that he had became tired on her.
One day when Rafe come to Elisabeth's place she told him what she feelt and he told her once again that he loved her and that he didn't became tired on her.
But he had unfortunately tell her that he would go to visit her mother and sister in minieapolis becouse they needed him right now and he would be gobe for four weeks.
When he told her she started to cry and she didn't want him to leav but he had to.
She told her that he would leav her now and he would not return.
When Elisabeth went home for vaccation, she had dinner with her mother and she told her about Rafe and about how it went in school but she talked most about Rafe.
Later at night she meet he Friend Dinah they had been friend seens kindergarten.
They went for a Cafe au lati and the only thing Elisabeth was talking about was RAFE ALL THE TIME, how much she was missing him and so on.
Elisabeth was calling Rafe 100 timed under a day she always asked him "do you love me?"
and he said "YEEEES" sometimes he got angry.
One day she went to visit him in Minneapolis for some hours. When she came there he told her that he couldin't stay in this relationsheep. He wanted to be a normal Senior in college who enyojed his last term befor graduation and dosen't have to worry over somone like her.
She was . She was supposed to get on a flight home ina few hours but she refused to board a airplane untill Rafe Changed his mind.
They went home to his mother and she meet her and his sister everything was going well they had a nice day and she missed her airplane. Elisabeth was well behaved that Rafe decided that they would not break up.
Later at night when they was going to take his little sister out she flipped out and they had to take her to the emergensy.
Elisabeth was left alone in the hous and she was frightened and called Dr Sterling.
Elisabeth explained everything, where she was and how she feelt.
Her docktor told her that she would take the first planed home tomorow and when she come home she will help her an d make her a full-time patient
She is now lying in a bed in the infirmary, watching television and she was crying becouse she is watching "normal" people at the TV. She wished she could be normal and not be depressed whitout any problems.
She was calling Dr. Sterling every 5 minutes and asked the sam qustion every time.
To the end Dr. Sterling decided that Elisabeth must be giving some kind of drug so that she could calm down.
Afetr some minutes a nuers came in with a pill, it was Xanax but it didn't work so her Dr decided that they would try something eals.
When she was lying in the infirmary all her friend had visit her whitout Rafe he didn't even call her and the only thing she could think of was Rafe.
One day she was crying so much becouse he had promised her thath he would never leav her and now he had left her whit a broken heart.
She called Dr. Sterling and told her that she can't make it any more she wants heroin or somthing strong so thath she could be calm down. And offcorse the Dockter can't give her heroin but she gave her a grug called Mallaril.
When Elisabeth took it 10 minutes later she feelt better. Afterwards her docktor diceded that she would be taking the pills 2 times under a day and when she needed.
The next day she called Rafe but he couldin't meet her becouse he had some work he had to deal with. But the Mallaril that she was taking blocked the brain which connect facts with feelings. And now their realationsheep was over.
One day when she was visiting Rafe he was cold as ice and when she was going to went home he didn't even want to escort her to the busstaition. He said he had work to do so he let his roommate drove her to de station.
When she came home to New York to her mother she called her friend Archer and asked if the could go out for dinner. Archer is the guy to talk with after you hade broked upp with you boyfriend. They went for dinner but Archer just talked about what he would do and what plans he had. But she didn't listen cuz she was just think on Rafe.
When she came home she couldint get up from bed she was stuck there. She feelt so depressed then ever she couldin't anything and she was just crying. The pills she got from her Dockter didn't help any more she needed somthing stronger.
She was first at her mothers hous but then she whent back to her appartment beside the school.
Her mother told her too take year of from school and go writ in her self at the hostpatal
Her mother told her that she is going worse not better. And even her mother now don't think that Elisabeth could ever be better.
Instead of going to school or to the mental instiution she decided to go to carlifonia to her cousin.
In Carlifonia she was on the bech and tried to enyoj everything. Under the summar in Carlifonia she found a jobb. She interviewd Join Mitchell and decided to write a book about him. She was working very hard and her cousin told her "you are on vaccation!"
Under the she was working she tought abot Rafe all the time. But the last week befor she went home from Carlifornia she said to her seld "I dont need Rafe"
But when she came home she really wanted him to be with her she couldin't stop thinkig of him. She took more pills and there was moe pain.
When she was in her room, Samantha her roommate told her that she could go to England to her ex-boyfriend Manuel who helped Samantha out from her depression.
And Elisabeth gave it a try.
The scool curator advise Elisabeth to jump of school becouse she is never there.
She told her abot her prblem and he sad yes I now but why don't you jump of and deal with you problems.
When she told him that she would go to England and there she can make all her srudy he said it will never worke.
But somehow he also gave it a try becouse he didn't want to be the one who stans in her ways.
About a week before she went to London she went on a weding and there she meet Barnaby Spring a recent Harvard graduatet. And he was living in Lond and he seems to be a good guy.
He promised Elisabeth that he would pich her op from the airport when she arrived and that he would show her everything in england.
When she arrived to England he droved her to Mauel places but he wasint home that time so they went home to Banaby.
When they came to his place Elisabeth asked if she could rest in his room and he said sure. Then he came efter her and tried to kiss her when she pushed him away he tought that if he showed her England she would be his "sextoy".
She took a taxi to Mauel later, When she came to his place he was not nice becouse he had quarrel with Samantha, thats why he was rotten to Elisabeth.
One day when she was inte shower she started to cry so much so when Manuel asked her whats wrong she oppened the door but she had a towel around her.
He started to hug her and console her and then he started to kiss her.
The only think that made her stay in england was that Noha her friend said that he would come to her and they would take in ina hotel and tay would go around hole England.
She had no money but Noha did. When he came everything went to hell. He treated her like she was his girlfriend he wasin't being his self and she only was with him becouse she did not have money.
Side 157-294 (the end)
When she returned home from all the mess in England she agreed to go too the infirmary again and dr. Strelin would gave her a new drug called fluoxetine.
But the it will take time befor Elisabeth would feel some diffrent.
Elisabeth wanted to take the drug and she was laying in the bed for 3 weeks there and slowly she feelt that it made her feel better but she was steel feelig weak.
But the docktor said that she can go home now becouse if she lay in this white room all the time she will not be better. Befor she left the infirmary Dr.Sterlin told her that she had just got a called from her mother. Her mother had been batter and she is now laying in the hostpatil but she is okey she said that there is no need for you to visit her.
But when Elisabeth heard of what had happend to her mother she decided to go home.
Even though Elisabeth was Weak she went to her mother and took care of her .
When they first meet they started to cry and hug echother then Elisabeth took her mother and went home to her mother place. Later her grandparent and her aunt was visting her mother and Elisabeth did everything she served the coffe she did the washes.
When they left Elisabeth just feelt lik she is going to fall down but she tried to be awake and went in to her mother room and talked to her for 30 minutes. Her mother told her that she have been so nice and good today but Elisabeth told her that she is feeling like she is worthless and can make anything but then her mother told her no you have been depressed.
For the first time Elisabeths mother did understand Elisabeth and when Elisabeth herad what her mother told her it kind of gaved her power to be better.
When Elisabecth went back to her place she had always contact with dr Sterling becouse her dr was afraid that Elisabeth would take suicide.
One day when they was talking Elisabeth told her Dr Sterling that she would not take suicide.
And her Dr belived her but when Elisabeth went to the toilet she took so many pills and she swallow them after some minutes dr Sterling knocked on the door and Elisabeth oppened the door. When she saw that Elisabeth had taking the pills she took her immediately to the emergency and there Elisabeth spew up all the pills so there was no need for stomachrising.
After her suicide she had to lay at the hostpatil and they had ha policeman in her room so that she wouldin't try to kill her self.
They never told her mother abot the suicide try. And Elisabeth was thankfull for thath.
Elisabeth never wanted to take suicide but she just wanted to se how nearly dead she could come. After some weeks the drug the gave her worked she feelt much better and she could go home.
Elisabeth went to school and took care of her sudy and she started to work on a coffieshop.
everything started to go well in her live.
But she steel had contact with dr.Sterling how helped her out from her dark live.
The book was not so good i mostly wanted to read to the end becouse I wanted to know what it would hapend to Elisabeth, if she would make it throuh her depression or would she take suicide.
I think the writer exaggerate somtimes about her deprssion.
And there as so much unnecessary describtion in the book that made it sometime borring to read the book.
But oterways it was good for me to read the book becouse when I was reading i did it load and after that I was clear whit my book I feelt like Im damn good at enlish *hihi*
(By the way I'm very sorry that I have been clear with my bookjournal so late.)
Skrivet av Cristin, 2006-05-01 19:12