En bra gratis blogg
Lista bloggar Om Bloggis
Skapa konto Logga in
DanielOlofsson

DanielOlofssons bloggis

English B - Bookjournal - Ham on rye - P. 5-35

Henry Jr’s father has two brothers, Ben and John, both alcoholics.
Ben is the younger brother, only twenty-four years old and dying.
But Henry doesn't like Ben because he borrowed a lot of money from Emily, Henry Jr’s grandma, and wasted it on gambling, women and booze.
Henry doesn’t like Leonard either; actually, he doesn’t like people at all, especially not children.
Henry's other brother, John, has a family with his wife Anna. Together they have two daughters.
Their family is suffering economically because John is wasting their money on booze and bikes, a dangerous combination.

Henry Jr. has now started school. He’s lonely, but that's the way he wants it to be.
But one day a new boy started in his class, David was his name, and no one really liked him.
Henry Jr. didn't want to become his friend either, but he really liked the potato chips David brought to school everyday, so he thought it was okay anyway.

David was a nerd and a mama’s boy who took violin lessons and always got into trouble.
Now when Henry. Jr was his friend... sort of; he also became a victim for bullying.

One day Henry Jr. got knocked down by an American football.
Everybody circled around him, they pointed and laughed and said the meanest things.
Henry Jr. understood that the ball was meant for him, somebody had kicked the ball with purpose on the back of his head.
He had enough and asked who did it. Somebody said it was Billy. Billy was a fat boy, nicer then the most, but still a part of their gang.
He decided to beat that boy up, and so he did, and how he did it. He hit him behind the left ear and in the stomach, he fell to the ground. When he stood up once again Henry Jr. punched him on his mouth, and Billy was finished.

//Skriven 06-03-03 kl 01:25

Skrivet av DanielOlofsson, 2006-03-03 01:27

Daniel!
This is a better summary! A lot more flow and spirit in this text. You still have a tendency to write with too many noun clauses, though. Imagine that you are writing this bookjournal for a literary magazine and put more effort into making the text rhythmic.

Grammar:

"Henry Jr. has now started school. He’s lonely, but that's the way he wants it to be.
But one day a new boy started in his class, David was his name, and no one really liked him."

Here you're skipping between the presen and the past all the time. Make it a routine always to check your text for these mistakes after you have finished writing. Often you can find them quite easily.

/Martin

Skrivet av martinjohansson, 2006-03-08 16:13

Du måste vara inloggad för att kunna kommentera det här inlägget.