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Ouch, I have been without these feelings for so long now, but suddenly they're there again. Perhaps it's the loneliness, being home alone. But I should be able to handle that! Argh, I feel so, helpless, especially if I know I can't contact you. Well, I guess I can if I really want to. Been trying, but you just put me off, you are cocky. I suppose I deserve it after all I did to you.

You will always be the angel in my heart, as long I live. I don't think I can never forget you, you meant so much. You still do. You are not the one, but you are the one that has tattoed my heart with your name. I don't want you back, but I miss you. I don't miss your kisses, or your hands, I miss YOU. The friend you were to me. It hurts in a weird kind of way to see pictures of your life now, the life you live without me there. Without me to share your experiences. I suppose I'm just crazy to still think and feel like this, and I'm sure that you don't.

By the way I will erase your songs from my comuter now. You obviously...

Skrivet av FoB, 2008-11-08

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It still bugs me. Bah need to write my feelings off once again. Can't seem to put an end to it, but to do? Only to write it off me until it builds up again. Ah well, it's not that bad I guess. I still live my live fully right now! Things are better than ever before. I have friends that I feel are like me and know me better than friends I've had before. Thank God that you are there, it means a lot to me <3

Today I think of him a lot. Is it because I'm home alone? Probably. That's when all your ghosts appear isn't it? When you have noone else to think about but yourself? Played witht the cat's for a bit but they scratched me :( Not intently but anyway.

I've been on your facebook page today. I've read your girlfriend's blog today. Nothing new on any of the pages. Seems like you live your life fully without the internet. Here I am, like a little spy trying to keep up with what you do in your new life. Bought a flat you did and got engaged. Congratulations. It's nice I guess. I feel happy for you I do, but...

Skrivet av FoB, 2008-06-09

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Tänk vad tiden flyger iväg. Det är redan två år sedan vi gjorde slut! Det är snart ett och ett halvt år sedan vi träffades sist. Ändå tänker jag på dig varje dag. Drömmer om dig nästan varje natt. Fast jag är lyckligare nu. Jag är mer trygg med James. Han finns här varje dag, varje natt, alltid vid min sida. Tryggt. frustrerande. Underbart. Tryggt. Är det trygghet jag söker? Jag mådde inte bra ihop med dig men ändå spökar du i mitt huvud och jag kollar på bilder av dig och mig och konstaterar att jag inte vill ha dig.

Det är som om jag har något ouppklarat med dig. Som om det inte riktigt tog slut där i juni 2006 någongång. Min hjärna envisas med att påminna mig om det. "Vi kommer bli ihop igen en dag" Minns du det? Kanske är det sant, kanske inte. Drömmen jag hade i morse har dock satt sig på hjärnan.
Känslan av att se dig. Känslan av skuld. Känslan av något gemensamt.

Ändå är det så overkligt att ens fundera på hur den här världen fungerar. God...

Skrivet av FoB, 2008-05-19

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I wonder who actually reads this blog. It's strange, cause I haven't given it to anyone. Perhaps ppl think it's about Fall out Boy... Then you're wrong. It's about me and my deepest thoughts. Then ones I can't tell anyone about. I don't think anyone I know knows all of this stuff. Maybe I've give hints about whats really in my heart.

What's really in my heart is diffiucult to tell because love is very very difficult. But I know that I miss him so much, I still have feelings for him and I wish that we wouldnt have shut each other out of our lives. Maybe it's for the best though...who knows?

I'm thinking way too much, I have to stop that habit.

Skrivet av FoB, 2008-03-03

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I still miss you, I do.
I still love you.
I hope some day we will meet again, my dear.

Skrivet av FoB, 2008-02-05

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I wish I could the describe the way I feel that I can't be without you. The way I don't know what to do when you're not here. I don't know myself and I'm lost, it's like a merry-go-round with no stop, not being able to jump off. It's like having cold hands and not being able to warm them up, no matter how much you put them in your armpits.

It's like all the car-alarms in the whole world went off at the same time when I think about you. It echoes in my head, my ears are pounding. I never thought I would find it this hard to let go of you. You are stuck in me, gnawing on my brain, sawing on my heart, pulling my nerves. How I wish you could one day find out, read this. I don't know if it's for real. How can I? Is anything for real in this strange world we're living in? I'm just floating through with my presence, with a feeling of not being seen.

I'm a ghost, or maybe a spirit, walking from places to places, wondering what life would be if you were still here. Am I unhappy with the life I'm living now?...

Skrivet av FoB, 2008-01-16

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Harder, better, faster, stronger.... I wish.

On the outside I'm strong, but on the inside I'm weak. Isn't it always like that? I understand why it's such a used sentence. I guess most people feel like that from time to time. At least I do. Most of the time actually.

Skrivet av FoB, 2007-12-06

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I know it's time, it's got damn time to put you behind. How come I can't then? I think of you every single day!! Some days worse than others. I feel so guilty. I can't even speak to you anymore... What happened there? I wonder if I will ever see you again, you so far away now, and of course you are not interested in meeting me after all I've done. I just wish things could have turned out differently. I don't know how or in what direction, but differently, to the better.

Skrivet av FoB, 2007-07-29

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