Paulas blogg

Sooooo.

First of all, I apparently don't have Celiac disease, which I'm thankful for. My stomach is probably upset because of stress. So let's think. What am I stressed about?

Well, my practical training is almost over, and I'm moving back to Ekenäs for school. That is frustrating because that takes me further away from my love. And my laptop is slow and unpractical (my bro tried to fix it, but it's still messy) so it's gonna get harder to keep in touch, so that sucks. And I don't yet have an apartment, mostly because I don't want to go that far but I have to, so I'll be staying at a friends place til I find one. (Bless her for that) Umm, and what else is stressing? We'll arguing with my parents at times, craving too much from myself, obsessing about things and stressing about being stressed. I must be stupid right?

Still, I don't know how to get rid of this anxiety/stress/bullshit and I don't know if it is trying to tell me something. What to do with it? Just relax right? How? I try, but just get more exhausted.

If life was a cake, you couldn't just eat one piece, you'd have to eat it all. Even if there would be stuff on and in it that you really dislike. you have to eat the bad to also get the good. It's just part of the deal it seems. Sucks, but that's the way it is. Just going trough some less fancy stuff at the moment.

Feeling really tiered from all the traveling around at weekends. Need some rest. And I'm in a totally new emotional situation here. Have been for the last 3 months. I'm still a bit confused about me being in a relationship. Before this, my longest relationship was like 3 weeks long, and that was when I was 14 years so I'm not used to this kind of stuff. There are so many great things about it, but also a few should I say challenging things.

Especially the distance is pretty hard for me. Used to think a thing like that would suit me because I need my own space, but I've changed my mind. I wouldn't at all mind to spend all my time with Johannes, but that's a bit hard because we study in different cities like 300-400 km apart. I know it won't always be that way, and that helps, but it's still hard. And I'm somehow a bit scared that we'll grow apart when we don't see each other as often. I hope I'm wrong.

Other things to consider are puzzling two lives together, taking the one another in consideration when making choices and so on. I'm so over reacting and freaking out and I really should just relax, but ughh, help me, I don't know how. Need to think this through and rationalize this thing. Fffffff...

But, everyone who knows me, knows I'll manage. Always survive. Never give up. Hhhhh, just wonder why this life is so much managing and not as much good times.

I kind of like have it all, hidden candy that I can't get yet. The ingredients to make the best cake ever. Just can't go bake it yet. It's like on queue. Ggggh. I don't like waiting. But I guess I don't have a choice. Better finish school. It's my last year after all. After that, there's many opportunities. Then it's gonna be whatever I choose. I love that <3! And I love Johannes!

Well, If you actually finished reading that, you deserve a medal. Just needed to went. Hope everything is good with everyone. Love ya! Take care!

Skrivet av Paula, 2008-09-30 19:41