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Belive in me (Engelska novell)

Belive in me

-Hello my name is Mary, and I’m an alcoholic.
-Hi Mary!

My heart was burning every time I had to say that. And it felt so unreal every time the other ones answered me liked they cared. It was my mother who had forced me to go to the meetings. I didn’t really want to go. I was only 21 years old, and already an alcoholic. I started to drink in a quite young age, I was only 16.

It was in the middle of the summer and I had met a boy, Tom. He was the most amazing guy you could ever imagine, with his blond hair and his brown eyes. A beautiful combination. He was a bit older than me, he was 20 and I was 16. But we said it didn’t matter, as long as we loved each other. And the best thing of all, I didn’t felt used by him. I really loved him. As you see, I was quite mature for my age. I never thought he would even look at my way, but he did.
I was seeing him a lot, and his friend. They where out partying very often. One time they asked me if I wanted to join them to one. I said OK it would be my first time to a party. I was excited.
The weekend came and it was party time. They had brought beer, a lot of beer. The party was in a big house with pool and 3 floors, very fancy. Tom started to give me beer and drinks. I didn’t like the taste so much, but what the hell. Let’s get drunk! After 4 beers and a few drinks I was still on top, I felt great! I was dancing with Tom and his friend, and it felt like nothing could go wrong. But then, Tom asked me if I wanted to go up stairs. I didn’t really know of what I was doing or saying. So I followed him upstairs. He started to kiss me and he whispered in my ear how beautiful I was. He took me in to a bedroom and laid me on the bed. He kept on with his kissing and touching, but it all started to be a little to rough. And he was holding my arms stretched out. He tried to unzip my jeans and rip my shirt of. He was sitting on top of me, so there was not much I could do. I tried to scream, but he just held his hand over my mouth. I was trying to hit him, but he was both bigger and stronger than me.

I couldn’t believe this, I was being raped by my own boyfriend. It couldn’t end like this. I kicked him on his balls, and ran away. I ran home. My mum was still up, and she sat with me all night. I was telling her what had happened and how I felt. The thing was that I still loved him, but I understand that I couldn’t see him anymore.

The weeks past by and I missed him. I was crying every night, he didn’t call or leave a text message or anything. He was just gone. That’s when I started to drink. I went down to the basement where my dad had all his alcohol. I was sitting there and drank in my loneliness. And all the things that was hard just ran of me. I felt free. I was out drinking almost every weekend, and I sat in the basement every night.

I got older, but I couldn’t get over Tom. Other bad things happened, my grandmother died. She had always understand me and I her. We where best friend. I was drinking over that to. My mum was starting to notice. They saw how quick all the alcohol disappear. It was then she started to send me to the meetings. And here I am 5 years later on the same meetings. And still thinks it feels stupid, because nobody really cared.
belive in me

Skrivet av amandaolzon, 2006-11-10 10:31

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