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moments to share, moments to care

on Sunday God blessed me with 2 sisters who can help me with ED.
and it seems God has also blessed me with a brother who can help me with my writing skills.

i cannot believe it yet.
can this be true?

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-18

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from daily thoughts:
"what is healthy giving? there is a fine-lined behavior each of us must seek to understand for ourselves. it is that kind of giving that feels good and does not leave us feeling victimized. it is that kind of giving that holds the giver and the receiver in high esteem. it is giving based on a desire to do it rather than from a sense of guilt, pity, shame, or obligation. it is giving with no strings attached. whether it is giving of our time, efforts, energy, comfort, nurturing, money, or ourselves, it is giving that we can afford. giving is part of the chain of giving and receiving. we can learn to give in healthy ways; we can learn to give in love.
and we need to keep an eye that the motivation of our giving is healthy.

today, God, guide me in my giving. help me give to others in healthy ways. help me give what feels right, what feels good, what feels clean, and what i can afford."

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-16

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i've always been proud of my honesty, but further exploration has brought me to the knees even in this aspect.

further on quotes from Bill V.

"honesty can be used as a tool of horrific self delusion. for example, the type of honesty that is not rooted in consideration or love. [..] i was so proud of my honesty and fairness that i started feeling more disgust towards people who were ever lying or cheating. my honesty eventually became a cape under which i started to hide many, serious shortcomings that were crippling other spheres of life. convinced that since my honesty is good, all my other traits were equally good. this thought prevented me from taking a good look in the mirror for many years. this example of self delusion is very common, and each of us can often fall into it.
what matters is the motivation of honesty. are we really speaking the truth out of consideration and kindness? or are we throwing facts into the other person's face wanting to be superior? have we tried to hurt someone with...

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-16

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and the last one.

i grew up in a family with a mentally unstable, emotionally abusive parent.
from her steps i could tell if she will yell or if it is ok to leave my room.
the world seemed threatening and it became natural to look out for danger, pay attention to the smallest detail, over analyze, it was a natural survival skill.

living in fear and waiting for the ticking time bomb, keeping my feelings bottled and being unable to express them turned me into a neurotic person. and eventually i became a time bomb myself, since i hadn't learn how to express my emotions in a healthy way, deal with my emotions, a lot had been bottled up and i saw threats where they were none or exaggerated situations.

now i no longer need to survive.
i can protect myself and never let anyone hurt me as well as to avoid potentially dangerous and dramatic situations or not react on them. i can stand up for myself and well being.
i can be who i am, even if it no longer means adapt to someone's demands, liking or...

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-10

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reading a lot is just messing with my head :)
way too many ideas to express.

1) "you think too much" - if i got a penny for every time i heard this.
cannot kick out another thought dr. Twersky mentioned in his book:
to understand if you are thinking too much, you can run the alcoholics estimation self-test by replacing "alcohol" with "thinking":
- do you think heavily when you are disappointed, under pressure or have had a quarrel with someone?
- can you think more now than when you first started to think?
- do you feel uncomfortable if thinking is unavailable?
- do you sometimes feel guilty about your thinking?
- has a family friend or a close friend expressed concern about your thinking
- do you want to continue thinking after your friends say it has been enough?
- do you have a reason for the occasions you think heavily?
- do you ever regret things you have said or done when thinking too much?
- does your work, relationships suffer from your thinking?
- do you sometimes think several days...

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-10

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i am responsible for leading my life and the fact that i am or aren't living it.
i am responsible for my spiritual, emotional, physical and financial well being.
i am responsible for recognizing and fulfilling my needs.
i am responsible for solving my problems or learning to live with ones that i cannot solve.
only i am responsible for choices i make.
i am responsible for what i give and take.
i am responsible for setting my goals and achieving them.
i am responsible for how much i can enjoy life and how much happiness i gain from daily tasks.
i am responsible for who i love and how i choose to show my love.
i am responsible for what i do to others and what i let others do to me.
i am responsible for my needs and my wishes.

i am.

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-09

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we give the power of our lives over to someone else.
and then we are mad at them for not knowing how to use it.

thus we make our happiness someone else's responsibility.
and try to control the person whom we have given the power to control us.

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-09

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how about we take two great, kind, loving, caring people. people who start a relationship with each other out of love, and also feel like they take care of the other person (but do not notice the other person does the same thing). they are both selfless and make sacrifices just for the other person to be happy and fulfilled. they might even start the relationship by taking responsibility for the other person rather than focusing on their own life and issues. their own needs disappear (or come second) when their significant other is around. they stop taking care of themselves, give up their friends and hobbies, just to please the other person.

they give and they are understanding and they sacrifice and after a while they start hating the other person for being so helpless, so demanding, so needy, so unappreciative of the sacrifices made. they might turn into perpetrators - with passive aggressive or active aggressive behavior. with punishing silence. with anger. they get tired of giving and become...

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-09

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