moments to share, moments to care
keep calm and stay in control
i have always been aware of the urge to stay in control. of everything. mainly it is because i had to take care of myself quite early in life, plus the aspect that no one will ever fight for your well being (though, the love from my friends has proven to be immense).
it turns out, not only need i stay in control, i'm a control freak! i have a feeling that as soon as i will let go of the control, i will lose everything. i will lose my job, if i actually listen to doctors and take of 3 (!!!) months of work because of a half paralyzed face. could use this time to write my thesis, take care of my body (no gym, ofc), and cook for my bf. but no, for some reason i'm having a panic attack because i can't do accounting!
i have a feeling my boss will see me as replaceable and.. well.. fire me.
i have a feeling my boyfriend might see me as replaceable and well.. replace me.
everyone can be replaced, can't they?
i wish i could just let go of the control. cuz whether you get replaced or not, being in control doesn't change it. at least, for me, it gives some sort of a handicap to prepare myself for the worse. always have a plan B. in case i do get replaced.
though the fear of the replacement might be a lot worse than the replacement itself. everything does happen for a reason, right?
Skrivet av arlona, 2013-01-14 17:24