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moments to share, moments to care

today sucks too

it is very annoying to wake up in the morning and find out that the feeling of suckness is still there.

it is a morning so i cannot choose to go end the day now.
it is a working day so i cannot stay longer in bed or give to any other pampering that the child within me wants.
head hurts. since i quit smoking, my jaw and temples hurt whenever i suppress my feelings since i don't give in to impulsive behavior that is addictive, compulsive, self destructive or irresponsible - the spontaneous expression of feelings i used to give in. now i know the consequences of that. but i also know the consequences of denial - pretending i don't feel anything and then exploding at any given moment.

so the pain in the temples and jaw for now is a good middle road - it reminds me there is an issue i need to take my time and deal with. it is not something i can ignore, and given time the pain just gets more annoying. i cannot act out. i don't want to. but the healthy way here is to be honest to myself, talk to the child and tend to his needs and solve the situation in a healthy and caring manner before it gets out of hand and blows in my face.

what i really want?
not to be a woman today, haha. to cry. a hug. to sleep. for my urges for food and smokes to stop. more hugs.
and find a little talisman i could carry around me that would remind me of the child inside me.
and serenity.

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-08-10 10:32


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