moments to share, moments to care
ontat ion/a ddict ion from think ing/r eacting
reading a lot is just messing with my head :)
way too many ideas to express.
1) "you think too much" - if i got a penny for every time i heard this.
cannot kick out another thought dr. Twersky mentioned in his book:
to understand if you are thinking too much, you can run the alcoholics estimation self-test by replacing "alcohol" with "thinking":
- do you think heavily when you are disappointed, under pressure or have had a quarrel with someone?
- can you think more now than when you first started to think?
- do you feel uncomfortable if thinking is unavailable?
- do you sometimes feel guilty about your thinking?
- has a family friend or a close friend expressed concern about your thinking
- do you want to continue thinking after your friends say it has been enough?
- do you have a reason for the occasions you think heavily?
- do you ever regret things you have said or done when thinking too much?
- does your work, relationships suffer from your thinking?
- do you sometimes think several days in a row?
this really made me smile. thank god i have the blog, the sisters, the club, and my wall to make my thinking productive.
confronting someone should be avoided and can be even dangerous and there is a good reason it never goes the way the confronter (me) has imagined. in the five stages of grief, after denial comes anger.
that is all there is to it. if i force a person to take the mask off, to be honest, to talk about something he/she is not ready to talk about or accept it to himself or others - there will be anger.
3) reacting - one more thing i need to think about :)
codependents often are rather "reactors" than doers. they have a tendency to react on everything - their own feelings and thoughts, other people's feelings and thoughts, events around them, in the office, at home, in politics - but they never DO anything about it.
e.g. they can sit on the couch, cry, feel sorry for themselves, yell, complain, demand, but never change anything or do something to change it.
time to act not react.
nb! last two parts (and some thoughts from the previous blog entries) are inspired by the book "codependent no more" by melody beattie.
Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-10 13:26