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moments to share, moments to care

stability in circles

and the last one.

i grew up in a family with a mentally unstable, emotionally abusive parent.
from her steps i could tell if she will yell or if it is ok to leave my room.
the world seemed threatening and it became natural to look out for danger, pay attention to the smallest detail, over analyze, it was a natural survival skill.

living in fear and waiting for the ticking time bomb, keeping my feelings bottled and being unable to express them turned me into a neurotic person. and eventually i became a time bomb myself, since i hadn't learn how to express my emotions in a healthy way, deal with my emotions, a lot had been bottled up and i saw threats where they were none or exaggerated situations.

now i no longer need to survive.
i can protect myself and never let anyone hurt me as well as to avoid potentially dangerous and dramatic situations or not react on them. i can stand up for myself and well being.
i can be who i am, even if it no longer means adapt to someone's demands, liking or wishes. i can take healthy risks with people, knowing they might let me down.
again, this is work for every day for the rest of my life (but it is fun since i get to work with myself, he)

patience and gratitude.

Skrivet av arlona, 2018-09-10 15:27


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