moments to share, moments to care
the ppl filter and the letti ng- go mecha nism
often when i meet new people i get as excited as a dog when he is about to be taken for a walk. a person! a new potential friendship! omg, this person has these amazing traits! they have done these amazing things! and i can't wait to make some space in my life, and i'm ready to let go some of my suspicions or just general sense of reality that i might not really either truly like them or have some extra space to give them.
if there is no extra space, sometimes i'm ready to do some inventory and toss out things that have over time proven to be worthy and pleasant in my life, because --- a person!!
most of the people however end in this lukewarm position where they fit into some of the vague categories - an acquaintance, a colleague, an aa person, and as i've made space, often it comes at a cost of me feeling as a victim for having sacrificed something in my life.
this enthusiasm about people no longer serves me, and not because they might not like me.
it is because this pattern of having these high and lows and sacrificing important things and having resentments and let down expectations is not good for me. i mean, they don't sacrifice anything for me (and i wouldn't want them to).
and this brings me to the letting go mechanism. letting go generally is not easy for me because of - ego. and the illusions. "how dare they not like me/leave me" is a classic ego phrase. "i invested so much, i don't feel appreciated," well dear, nobody asked you to invest.
but when i think of letting go from my own health and sanity perspective, not from the ego side, it gets a lot easier.
the sooner i let go, the less pain and other unpleasant feelings there are, the less i have to fight with my ego who feels abandoned. as well as remembering that some people are there for a season and some are for a reason.
and this is where both of today's topics come together. if i hold my horses and let people be instead of obsessing them and decorating the imaginary room in my life that i've assign for them, i won't have to work on letting go so often, as i wont be letting them in so easily.
i will try to keep in mind the fact that from all the people i've met in my life, there is a handful that are really close, and most are just that - acquaintances.
Skrivet av arlona, 2022-01-23 07:28
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