moments to share, moments to care

just like I assumed, I have kept thinking about my classmate. Why, how, what? And if there is a way back. when my personal feelings/emotions were finally set aside, the picture was way clearer. first of all: the reasons why he changed were quite clear from the beginning: the environment. if he has to fight for his life on daily basis, that hardens. plus if there are no sincere people around him, there is no one to look up to.

but here is the key that i had not noticed: he cares. and by caring i don't mean cute and cuddly how-are-you thingy. i mean that he is not nonchalant. yes, there is anger, revenge, humiliation, disappointment, frustration. but there ain't a tiny bit of nonchalance. while there are emotions - positive or negative - he is still on the right path. he is still a human being. while he calls his ex a whore, there is still a chance, however absurd it sounds.

the end will come when he will be able to put aside the insults and plan his revenge with no emotions involved. when he will be able to manipulate people and not even blink. when people will assault him and he will smile cause he has the next revenge plan growing somewhere deep inside him. and he plans it well. not just acts on the moment. and plan his revenge in a way that i cannot be traced back at him.

too bad i have already revealed too big part of my personality, cause maybe a glimpse of my naive mind might let him see that the world ain't as black as it seems. but then again, i should stop trying to fix all the world's problems.

Skrivet av arlona, 2008-12-30 15:21