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moments to share, moments to care

bringing the bad-ass bitch spark back, feeling very high on adrenaline since i-dunno-when.
during the past months went through the so called quarter-life-crisis aka QLC (turns out, that is an actual thing, google it). seems to be normal for post graduates who find themselves asking the "this is it??" question, feeling like hamsters in a freking wheel, going on an on in motions without a solid purpose.
well that thing is over, thanks to an irish uncle (i really like to think he is irish ^^) who gave me a few good advice on the whole thing, so hey, i got a purpose now (or an illusion of it, but hey, whatever keeps me going).

and btw, miqa, even though i can't deny that your presence and regular comments on my blog entries sort of show some sort of interest and caring (and can be really sweet), it is also creepy and weird. what is an ex of mine doing not only reading his xgfs blog, but also anonymously commenting on it on a regular basis?

peace out

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-03-08

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one year anniversary. without a single break up, walk-out, separation, moving out or "taking distance apart". none of that. amazing.

this guy seems to be a keeper.

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-03-04

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masochism basically means that i let another person shit on me, because deeply inside i believe that in this way he is correcting (or at least pointing out) what's wrong with me.

jeez, i really believe that. i love to be proven wrong, be corrected and have my flaws pointed out.
problem is, most ppl fear or don't feel like doing it, since i make an aggressive impression.

i can smell fear and bark accordingly though.

sick sick mind it is.

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-02-14

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"sometimes when i talk to you, it feels like you're actually older then me"

/dad

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-02-03

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last weeks and events have been amazing. i'm very much blessed with ppl around me. i really have everything a person can wish for.

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-01-30

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i have always been aware of the urge to stay in control. of everything. mainly it is because i had to take care of myself quite early in life, plus the aspect that no one will ever fight for your well being (though, the love from my friends has proven to be immense).

it turns out, not only need i stay in control, i'm a control freak! i have a feeling that as soon as i will let go of the control, i will lose everything. i will lose my job, if i actually listen to doctors and take of 3 (!!!) months of work because of a half paralyzed face. could use this time to write my thesis, take care of my body (no gym, ofc), and cook for my bf. but no, for some reason i'm having a panic attack because i can't do accounting!

i have a feeling my boss will see me as replaceable and.. well.. fire me.
i have a feeling my boyfriend might see me as replaceable and well.. replace me.

everyone can be replaced, can't they?

i wish i could just let go of the control. cuz whether you get replaced or not, being in...

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-01-14

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the good thing about being in hospital (aside from the fact that your friends bring you candy and journals to keep you entertained) is being reminded that your body is your only tool and it's pretty darn important to take care of it. not dieting and hating it. but keeping it in shape, loving it, letting it rest, giving it challenges, and just treating it well. it really pays off. yes, that does not guarantee a health forever. there are always accidents, genetic diseases, everything can happen. but at least you can eliminate the factors you are responsible for.

generally i am aware that smth must be changed. i've given up meat since new year (unless it comes from a certified local farmer), but what concerns the rest, i just really need that kick in the arse, visualize the goal and the reasons, why should i give up the comfort for a bit harder work and some changes. yes, i used to be obsessed with healthy things, but work, master's in the evenings, stress, alcohol took it's toll and has made me want to...

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-01-12

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any woman who chooses disfigurement, chooses to be a victim.

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-01-09

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