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moments to share, moments to care

stockholm has always been my creative time. time when i have the opportunity to see new places, things (beautiful things inspire me a lot), pictures, people, clothing, etc. i become a sponge and suck everything in, first placing a massive amount of images in my grey matter and during a good night sleep start making a puzzle of what can i use in my own life and surroundings later.

i shit you not - currently i have about five lists of things to buy/do/change/get and they differ in price range, emergency level, time span, starting from clothing, home accessories, furniture, paint jobs needed, design ideas, cooking recipes to try, gym plan, etc.

did i mention i'm a control freak?

yes, lists make me feel busy and comfortable :) besides, they let me fantasize about the potential perfection around me. and they make me feel organized. lists are awesome. and sweden is when i make the lists, latvia - when i make them come true. sure, i add stuff once and then, but that's in the times when i have all the time...

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-03-14

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due to my boring career choice of accounting, i have the incredible opportunity to spend a few weeks abroad once and then. aside from the fact that i must leave my honey dearest and im unable to hit the gym, there are plenty of positive aspects:

- although i enjoy housekeeping, living in a hotel with ppl picking up towels after me is awesome
- even though spending mornings and evenings on a train gives me time to read, 10 min walks to and from work are priceless, giving me time to.. well do pretty much anything
- no school, no duties, no obligations
- able to meet friends long-time-no-see
- yeah, not supposed to mention things like that, but extra money is a positive aspect
- though the extra money miraculously disappears in beloved stores - ikea, geek stores, fave pubs
- healthy diet - feels dumb to waste extra money on burgers and we can get a limitless amount of fruit at work

besides, while writing my thesis, i realized how much ive taken stockholm and sweden for granted in my life without...

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-03-12

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bringing the bad-ass bitch spark back, feeling very high on adrenaline since i-dunno-when.
during the past months went through the so called quarter-life-crisis aka QLC (turns out, that is an actual thing, google it). seems to be normal for post graduates who find themselves asking the "this is it??" question, feeling like hamsters in a freking wheel, going on an on in motions without a solid purpose.
well that thing is over, thanks to an irish uncle (i really like to think he is irish ^^) who gave me a few good advice on the whole thing, so hey, i got a purpose now (or an illusion of it, but hey, whatever keeps me going).

and btw, miqa, even though i can't deny that your presence and regular comments on my blog entries sort of show some sort of interest and caring (and can be really sweet), it is also creepy and weird. what is an ex of mine doing not only reading his xgfs blog, but also anonymously commenting on it on a regular basis?

peace out

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-03-08

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one year anniversary. without a single break up, walk-out, separation, moving out or "taking distance apart". none of that. amazing.

this guy seems to be a keeper.

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-03-04

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masochism basically means that i let another person shit on me, because deeply inside i believe that in this way he is correcting (or at least pointing out) what's wrong with me.

jeez, i really believe that. i love to be proven wrong, be corrected and have my flaws pointed out.
problem is, most ppl fear or don't feel like doing it, since i make an aggressive impression.

i can smell fear and bark accordingly though.

sick sick mind it is.

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-02-14

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"sometimes when i talk to you, it feels like you're actually older then me"

/dad

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-02-03

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last weeks and events have been amazing. i'm very much blessed with ppl around me. i really have everything a person can wish for.

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-01-30

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i have always been aware of the urge to stay in control. of everything. mainly it is because i had to take care of myself quite early in life, plus the aspect that no one will ever fight for your well being (though, the love from my friends has proven to be immense).

it turns out, not only need i stay in control, i'm a control freak! i have a feeling that as soon as i will let go of the control, i will lose everything. i will lose my job, if i actually listen to doctors and take of 3 (!!!) months of work because of a half paralyzed face. could use this time to write my thesis, take care of my body (no gym, ofc), and cook for my bf. but no, for some reason i'm having a panic attack because i can't do accounting!

i have a feeling my boss will see me as replaceable and.. well.. fire me.
i have a feeling my boyfriend might see me as replaceable and well.. replace me.

everyone can be replaced, can't they?

i wish i could just let go of the control. cuz whether you get replaced or not, being in...

Skrivet av arlona, 2013-01-14

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