Senaste inläggen som handlar om lesson
a newly made friend suggested to write down the cognition and verities obtained throughout the trip.
probably i should have devoted some of the precious travelling time noting some memories and feelings before they dwindle into oblivion, but as the old saying goes: time you enjoy wasting is not wasted.
without any particular order, i'll start with
pushing what i want -
life. still drunk of life. just a little sleepy.
i have always been aware of the urge to stay in control. of everything. mainly it is because i had to take care of myself quite early in life, plus the aspect that no one will ever fight for your well being (though, the love from my friends has proven to be immense).
it turns out, not only need i stay in control, i'm a control freak! i have a feeling that as soon as i will let go of the control, i will lose everything. i will lose my job, if i actually listen to doctors and take of 3 (!!!) months of work because of a half paralyzed face. could use this time to write my thesis, take care of my body (no gym, ofc), and cook for my bf. but no, for some reason i'm having a panic attack because i can't do accounting!
i have a feeling my boss will see me as replaceable and.. well.. fire me.
everyone can be replaced, can't they?
i wish i could just let go of the control. cuz whether you get replaced or not, being in control doesn't change it. at least, for me, it gives some sort of a handicap to prepare myself for the worse. always have a plan B. in case i do get replaced.
though the fear of the replacement might be a lot worse than the replacement itself. everything does happen for a reason, right?
so folks. i thought this was the last day for me in the business trip (40 days? man, that sounds like an easter lent!) but turns out we are stuck in this place for two more weeks.
officially, i will tag this as one of the lessons of life, because the future me must know the following: you fixed it! for the first time i fixed the problem. the outburst i had -
he didn't turn away from me. i liked myself more with every day. it was a win win win.
it is scary to take the first step.
but it is so rewarding.